Harry’s speech is coming on leaps and bounds and as it does the opportunities for public humiliation multiply. Being a toddler means that the volume control button is broken and set at maximum. There is no filter. He repeats himself often just in case you didn’t catch it the first time, second, third…….
Here are just some of my favourite comments from the last few weeks.
(Potty training has been big on the agenda hence the toilet related theme throughout this post).
- “It’s a man” – As we went for a walk through the park we came across a lady in a sports cap coming towards us with her dog. Fair play she was also wearing flat shoes, jeans and a big coat, so she could have well passed for a man. I explained that it was a lady wrapped up for the cold. As we got to within touching distance, you pointed at her, laughed, and said loudly “no it isn’t Mummy, it is a man”. I smiled politely and sped away.
- “Mummy you’ve not got a big willy………you’ve got a baby willy” – shocked by this comment – so early on in proceedings – I had no words to respond.
- “Mummy I wee through my willy and you wee through your bottom” – I was slightly more prepared due to the earlier experience. On this occasion I just nodded and said “that’s right Harry I do”. Let’s face it he is not even 3, there was absolutely no need to elaborate and I have only just worked out what to call his never mind how to explain mine away.
- “No Mummy, I NOT go in the water” – OK lets get this bit out of the way first, in my defence we were in the baby pool and he did have a swimming nappy on. When H told me in his urgent voice that he needed a wee, I assessed the situation and whispered in his ear “do it in the water”. He looked at me alarmed and said again “no Mummy, I need a wee wee”. Again I turned to him and reassuringly said, “it’s OK pumpkin, just do it in the water”. In total panic – with a slight hint of disgust – and at the top of his lungs he said “NO MUMMY I NOT GO IN THE WATER”. As people turned around all they saw was a flash of my wobbly bits as we sprinted out through the changing room doors.
- “Mummy you will get your knickers wet” – In an effort to save time getting ready we both got in to the shower together. When he came out with this I had no idea what he meant, for my knickers were in the wash basket. And then I realised and made a mental note to book in for a bikini wax!
- “Mummy, I am a big boy I did a wee-wee…….and you did a poo”. Proudly announced as we were walking out from the ladies toilet in a packed family-friendly pub. We sat back down to finish our lunch, me crimson and not making eye contact with anyone and H basking in the glory of his big boy achievement.
Love you, you little monkey x
Bouyed by my recent makey-doo experiences with Harry, I jumped at the offer from a friend to take our children to the Cheshire Candle Factory. We thought we would spend a good part of the day there and paid for the package which consisted of making a candle, decorating a candle holder, making a sand ornament, and painting a clay figure. The first place we headed off to was the candle making section – the bit I’d been excited about the most. On came the plastic aprons, up went the sleeves, out came the wet wipes, and we were off.
Within two seconds, glitter, paint and glue were everywhere! I immediately regretted wearing a white top and sticking Harry in his new sweatshirt. I clearly hadn’t thought this through. But worse was to come. Once the candle holder was complete and set aside for drying it was time to make the candle to go in it. Now let’s just think about this shall we. HOT WAX and a TODDLER…my inquisitive toddler, the one who can’t listen to instructions, the one who can’t concentrate for too long, the one who can’t sit still for two minutes……..I couldn’t believe my stupidity but I couldn’t back out now. As we dipped the wick in to the hot wax I was as nervy as a long tail cat in a rocking chair factory. Our turn at the hot wax counter couldn’t finish soon enough. Considering that I had done most of it – and at break neck speed so that we could move on – the result was still good enough to give to Granny as a belated birthday present.
From there we headed upstairs to paint a clay figure – he went for the crocodile. He actually spent longer than five minutes on this activity and the result was quite impressive, if you like sludgy coloured crocodiles. Because he is by far the sludgiest coloured crocodile you have ever seen. Another lovingly handmade gift for a lucky grandparent.
By the time he had finished his friend was only half way through hers, so he did what any typical boy would do to pass the time – run up and down. As he ran the objects on the shelves would rattle due to the floorboards bouncing. Rattling shelves = broken stuff. Cue Mummy trying to grab small child to prevent paying for any breakables. But chasing after him only encouraged him to run faster, and my movements made the whole building shake never mind the shelves rattle!
To distract him I herded him towards the section where you pour coloured sand in to an object to make an ornament. He selected a dinosaur – yep another bloody dinosaur for the collection – and set about completing that task with the same enthusiasm as the others.
Due to the speed that Harry completed his activities, it ended up being a whirlwind visit and not the leisurely half day out we were looking forward to – just short of 2 hours and that included stopping for lunch! Harry tried to bite in to the candle (he thought it was a lollipop), ate his body weight in coloured sand and had more glitter in his hair than a 70’s rock star. If the snores in the back seat on the way home were anything to go by then he loved it. We will be going back. Just in a year or two from now, in older clothes and with a much bigger pack of wet wipes.
Harry’s Honest Mummy