Harry’s speech is coming on leaps and bounds and as it does the opportunities for public humiliation multiply.  Being a toddler means that the volume control button is broken and set at maximum.  There is no filter.  He repeats himself often just in case you didn’t catch it the first time, second, third…….

Here are just some of my favourite comments from the last few weeks.

(Potty training has been big on the agenda hence the toilet related theme throughout this post).

1. “It’s a man” – As we went for a walk through the park we came across a lady in a sports cap coming towards us with her dog.  Fair play she was also wearing flat shoes, jeans and a big coat, so she could have well passed for a man.  I explained that it was a lady wrapped up for the cold.  As we got to within touching distance, you pointed at her, laughed, and said loudly “no it isn’t Mummy, it is a man”.  I smiled politely and sped away.
2. “Mummy you’ve not got a big willy………you’ve got a baby willy” – shocked by this comment – so early on in proceedings – I had no words to respond.
3. “Mummy I wee through my willy and you wee through your bottom” – I was slightly more prepared due to the earlier experience.  On this occasion I just nodded and said “that’s right Harry I do”.  Let’s face it he is not even 3, there was absolutely no need to elaborate and I have only just worked out what to call his never mind how to explain mine away.
4. “No Mummy, I NOT go in the water” – OK lets get this bit out of the way first, in my defence we were in the baby pool and he did have a swimming nappy on.  When H told me in his urgent voice that he needed a wee, I assessed the situation and whispered in his ear “do it in the water”.  He looked at me alarmed and said again “no Mummy, I need a wee wee”.  Again I turned to him and reassuringly said, “it’s OK pumpkin, just do it in the water”.  In total panic – with a slight hint of disgust – and at the top of his lungs he said “NO MUMMY I NOT GO IN THE WATER”.  As people turned around all they saw was a flash of my wobbly bits as we sprinted out through the changing room doors.
5. “Mummy you will get your knickers wet” – In an effort to save time getting ready we both got in to the shower together.  When he came out with this I had no idea what he meant, for my knickers were in the wash basket.  And then I realised and made a mental note to book in for a bikini wax!
6. “Mummy, I am a big boy I did a wee-wee…….and you did a poo”.  Proudly announced as we were walking out from the ladies toilet in a packed family-friendly pub.  We sat back down to finish our lunch, me crimson and not making eye contact with anyone and H basking in the glory of his big boy achievement.

Love you, you little monkey x